Week 9 Pointless Power Rankings


Power rankings are stupid and meaningless: Here's mine for week 9.

1. Giants
  • They've got it all. Their offense is clicking on all cylinders. Eli Manning plays his best when the pressure isn't on him to make plays, and it's not. He's surrounded by playmaking receivers and Ahmad Bradshaw is tearing it up. Oh, and their defense is good or something.
2. Ravens
  • Same story here, except replace Eli with Joe Flacco and Ahmad Bradshaw with Ray Rice. I have them below the Giants because their defense hasn't been as stifling. Could these two teams meet in Dallas come February? No one's going to hold me accountable for this, so I'm going to say there's a 99.99% chance of it happening.
3. Steelers
  • Face it, Steelers fans: They were lucky to escape with a win in Cincinnati. From the two early gift turnovers to the dropped passes, the Bengals wasted nearly every opportunity they had. The Bengals lost the game, the Steelers didn't win it.
4. Packers
  • Aaron Rodgers is the most consistently productive QB in the NFL in the last two years. Despite the complete lack of a run game, and being without Jermichael Finley and Donald Driver, he'll give them a chance as long as Clay Matthews keeps doing his job.
5. Patriots
  • They lost to the Browns, big whoop. Camp Belichick already forgot about it and they're working on next weeks game.
6. Eagles
  • Maybe it's my homer goggles talking, but this team can be as good as any in the NFC. If the offensive line sustains remotely average play, the offense will be explosive. Sean McDermott's defense is aggressive and opportunistic. They're not the best at stopping drives, but they provide a lot of pressure which leads to a lot of turnovers, which is a winning formula. Vick needs to do a better job of avoiding hard hits, though, because Kevin Kolb has not been as good as advertised (though he's still probably the best backup in the league).
7. Falcons
  • The Michael Turner show is back and better than ever, Roddy White is still amazing, Matt Ryan plays smart football, and the defense is quietly having a solid season.
8. Colts
  • I don't care how many other injuries they sustain, this team has a chance as long as Peyton Manning, Dwight Freeney, and Robert Mathis are healthy.
9. Titans
  • They're more prepared for winter than most teams, with a potent running game powered by Chris Johnson's shifty legs. Randy Moss will only make them better. If the defense goes back to the way they played before they played the Chargers, they'll be as good as any team in the NFL.
10. Jets
  • The Hard Knocks darlings are playing alright, but they've struggled in the last two weeks. They got shut out by the Packers and were very fortunate to pull out a win against the underrated Lions.
11. Saints
  • They just don't have it together. Drew Brees continues to make uncharacteristic mistakes. They will not be able to muster the same magic they got out of the 2009 season, when they were getting turnovers at all the right times.
12. Raiders
  • It was a lot of fun to watch Jacoby Ford put them in position to win against the Chiefs. Hope is alive in Raider nation for the first time in almost a decade, and it's all thanks to the hands-off approach Al Davis made this offseason. Take a hint, Jerry Jones.
13. Chiefs
  • The Kansas City Patriots might still be a year off from completely recreating the Foxborough magic in Arrowhead, but they've made huge strides from last year. It's a tight three way race in a suddenly exciting AFC West.
14. Chargers
  • I'm convinced I could play for the Chargers and manage two touchdowns, provided Phillip Rivers was healthy. They picked a bad year to start off so slow, and they've got an uphill battle ahead if they're to overcome all the obstacles they've created. Maybe we shouldn't be so cheap with the restricted free agents, next time?
15. Buccaneers
  • Well, I don't think they're the best team in the NFC. I don't even think they're the best team in the NFC South. However, they're exceeding everyone's expectations except their own. They believe in themselves, which matters a hell of a lot more than whether or not we believe in them. It'll be interesting to see what they do in the second half, and if they'll be able to secure a playoff spot.
16. Dolphins
  • This is an average team with an average QB, an average defense, and no identity. If someone were to step up, the Dolphins could be threatening. However, no one's really scared of any individuals on this team, and no one is scared of them as a team.
17. Texans
  • This isn't the same team that beat the Colts to open the season. They can't stop the pass, and Matt Schaub is making way too many mistakes. How can they be struggling this much with Andre Johnson and Arian Foster playing so well?
18. Da Bears
  • This is the worst 5-3 team ever. They barely succeeded against the Bills, and Jay Cutler is having another awful year. They have upcoming games against the Vikings, Dolphins, and Eagles, after which they'll be lucky to be 6-5.
19. Rams
  • Finally, Steven Jackson isn't the only player on the team worth giving the ball to. However, they're entirely too inconsistent to pose a real threat on a week to week basis. Unfortunately, I checked the rules and somebody in the NFC West has to make the playoffs, and I think they've got the best shot out of that awful bunch. Maybe they'll be the first 7-9 team to make the playoffs? That'd be fun. Not.
20. Redskins
  • The offense is dreadful. McNabb gives them a moderate chance to win, but only when Shanahan's not busy pulling him for Sexy Rexy. Also, it's hard to throw the ball from your back. Their only saving grace is their bend but don't break defense.
21. Jaguars
  • Is this team bipolar or what? Too bad they can't play the Cowboys every week. The AFC is too crowded for this team to do anything.
22. Browns
  • Peyton Hillis is a beast. Colt McCoy isn't as horrible as Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace. They've got a great offensive line, and that's about it. Put some playmakers on this team, shore up the defense, and then you're cooking with fire.
23. Vikings
  • The Vikings beat the Cardinals, and now everyone's acting like their season is saved. Guess what? It's not. They've beaten the Cowboys, the Cardinals, and the Lions. They'll be lucky to eek out 3 more wins before Brett Favre hangs 'em up. Oh, and their problems are a lot deeper than QB play. Brad Childress' mustache his only quality that commands respect. He's done after this season, and the roster is going to be gutted.
24. Lions
  • They're far better than their 2-6 record indicates. If only they stop making the bonehead mistakes that cost them close games, there will be a lot of reason for optimism in Detroit. I could see them being a playoff team in 2011.
25. Seahawks
  • Pete Carrol's crew has no business being 4-4. This is an awful team. They'd be absolutely hopeless if they didn't reside in the pitiful NFC West.
26. Cardinals
  • Speaking of the NFC West, the Cardinals are amazingly one game behind first at 3-5. That tells you everything you need to know about the division.
27. Bengals
  • Is this the same team that swept the AFC North a year ago? No, no it's not. Carson Palmer has got to be fed up with playing from behind and the myriad of ways his teammates manage to blow games.
28. 49ers
  • Mike Singletary gets his team motivated and playing hard, but their problems lie in execution. Frank Gore is a beast, yet they've somehow managed to be the worst team in the NFC West, which is almost unthinkable.
29. Broncos
  • I can't say I'm surprised this team is doing so poorly after an offseason in which they draft Tim Tebow in the first round and lose both their defensive coordinator and Elvis Dumervil.
30. Bills
  • They might be winless, but this team has come up just short three games in a row. Ryan Fitzpatrick and Steve Johnson give the Bills a glimmer of hope each week.
31. Panthers
  • They've had a pretty rough schedule, no doubt. It's hard, nay, impossible, to win with an offense this bad. Oh, and they have the worst turnover differential in the NFL (-11 through 8 games).
32. Cowboys
  • How can I rate this team any higher? At least the other teams are attempting to win instead of just showing up for their paychecks. Newsflash: You still have to play the games even if you're not going to the Super Bowl like everyone said you would in the preseason. Next time don't buy into your own hype. Jerry Jones should fire himself as GM.

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